Re: Taking Offense and Living a Sloppy Life.
1,124 Miles SW of Henry’s Pond
(Buffalo, Ohio)
Saturday, August 29, 2020
Dear friend and subscriber,
Sorry I haven’t written in the past few weeks.
We bought a house. Closed on August 12. Moved on the 14th.
Things got a little hectic.
We still don’t have an internet connection.
I have some other excuses too, but I won’t bother you with them.
Truth is. I dropped the ball. I let life get in the way.
This past week I learned a valuable lesson that ties into dropping the ball here.
Whenever we did laundry, the house filled up with methane gas, and the hallway bathtub filled with sewage.
By all indications, this was somehow going to fall under my responsibility to repair. I spent the week going back in forth with Warranty companies, the Realtor, and three different plumbers.
Buying a home was stressful.
Discovering several thousand dollars worth of repairs during our first week of ownership was a lot to deal with, and at first all my rage was directed towards the contractor who flipped the house.
Some of you may have heard my Real Guru is a Douche theory.
If you don’t know about it, basically it’s about projection.
I believe that what I notice in others is in me too.
This works in both directions…
good or bad…
What we find attractive in others is in us too, it might just need to be developed.
Anyhow…
A few days ago, I noticed how my mind was hyper focused on being angry with the sloppy work around the house.
After getting a $7300 bill for plumbing work, my mind filled with rage.
That was my landscape, & breathing room money.
And laying out that cash meant that I’d need to get more business a few months earlier than projected.
Rage is a default setting for me.
Here’s how I shifted it….
1. I gave it a name and a face…
The contractor.
2. I put that name on a page and wrote out all the reasons why I want to punch his face several times.
3. I went outside and did some landscape work, walked around the yard and contemplated future projects then, sat down to enjoy how quiet our new neighborhood is… sounds of the fountain and near distance sound of speed boats warmed my soul.
so… I sat and tuned into my breathing, then into all my senses until I felt peaceful.
After realizing that I can easily make more money, and that this is really the biggest problem I face today, I felt grateful… fortune… I am truly blessed to have a good life… amazing wife, 2 healthy dogs sitting next to me, and just bought a home.
4. I went to back inside and crossed off his name.
Then read the entire list to myself as if my future self was giving me a talking to and encouraging me to step up my game.
This is basically what I said to myself…
Stop living a sloppy life.
Pay attention. Details matter. Get them right the first time.
How you show up makes a difference in the world.
It affects the people around you. So pay attention, and stop being a self centered asshole.
Focus on doing the right thing… not just the right thing for you.
And, for cryin out loud, be a man of your word.
Take some fucking responsibility.
Step up your game.
Put in the work that’s required of the future you think you deserve.
Now… Stop focusing on what they should have done, and focus on what’s next for you to do… for your body, your mind, your relationships, and in your business.
Let this situation go.
….
Annette came home a little while later we ate sushi from Kroger’s, talked about a possible shift in the budget, and what that means… then went to sleep.
This plumbing situation isn’t over… uncertainty still looms.
And I’m pretty sure the shift in me didn’t magically create a different outcome.
What did happen, is I’m pretty detached from the outcome. Either way, we’ll figure it out.
I’ll make more money… we will have a beautiful home.
Stressing out, and being angry with a guy I’ve never met isn’t productive.
Worrying about money going out of the account, isn’t a good use of energy either.
I’m grateful for this experience.
Glad to have met a new Guru.
Thought I should share this experience with you.
This brings me to another lesson, that I learned during the last week of June (2020).
It’s easier to take offense than responsibility.
Social media makes it easy to connect with and project your outrage into the universe, but if that’s all you’re going to do, then maybe it’s time to take stock of your own life.
A few months ago, I filed my feed with rants raving about this and that. I spent a lot of time arguing with people who’s opinion I don’t actually value. Madness.
One afternoon, Annette and I were driving around scouting neighborhoods for places to buy a home, she said…
“You know, if someone were to find you on Facebook right now, they probably wouldn’t think you’re as relaxed and capable as you are. Your Feed looks a little insane.”
She was right.
I didn’t give much thought to it. I just wanted to express myself and be part of the conversation unfolding.
And, as you know, there was a LOT going on… still is… and will continue for years after I’m gone.
That’s when it hit me.
I spent the morning meditating about my impulsive nature and came up with this…
It’s easier to take offense than responsibility.
Maybe it’s time to take stock of your life. Focus on the things you can control and influence. Leave this social media conversation for a while and get your mind right.
In my journal I answered the following questions.
How’s your fitness? Finances? Relationships?
How’s your mood on a regular basis?
How do you show up to people in real life?
Are you the person you aspire to be, or at least the person pretend to be on Facebook and Instagram?
Focus there.
And that’s what I did.
I logged out of Twitter. Set a 30 minute per day limit on FB. And Logged out of Instagram.
The next day, I put together plans for my health, wealth, and relationships.
Today, I’m down 17 pounds. July I made 4 and 1/2 times more money than any previous month ever. And I’ve had some amazing and deep conversations with some awesome people over the past few months.
You’d be surprised what happens when you clear your mind.
When you work on you, and learn to navigate real life more skillfully, the world becomes a better place.
If you just can’t help yourself…. the offense is too big, then by all means, point the finger out into the world and tell everyone what’s wrong with “them”.
It won’t get you much. Might help you feel less inferior. May even make you feel good when you make them look stupid.
But, your life won’t actually change.
The things you could work on will still be there.
The things you could actually control and influence will remain untouched.
It’s a hard thing to do.
Note to Self: Outrage is addictive.
And right now, there is a concentrated effort to trigger your fears and frustration and funnel them to grab power.
Remember, for the most part…. “They” are not your worst enemy….
You Are.